This may be a bit premature, but I don't want to make the mistake of beating myself over what I have been doing for the past nine years any more. I just want to wish my mom a Happy Mother's Day. I still think about all the things I wish I could've said to her or done for her while she was here. As each year has gone by, the sorrows have lessened...making my regrets easier to deal with.
I guess there are two things that are fresh on my mind now. First is that I wish every set of eyes that reads this will realize how wonderful mothers are. I mean you have all heard how we should never take our parents for granted and how you must absolutely respect them. On the other hand, I also realize that this isn't a perfect world. And the bitter truth is that not-so-good mothers exist, but I'm not going to delve too much into why they aren't so good - too many variables for me to explore. And plus, it would just ruin the general tone of what I'm trying to communicate.
Secondly, amid all the pondering and regrets over the years, I never could grasp a clear understanding of the three words, "I Love You." It wasn't used all that often in my family when I was growing up, but never did I ever feel unloved. I wondered why I never told my mom or dad that. Every time I talk to mom now, I'll always tell her that I miss her and love her. Just because she isn't here, it doesn't mean I can't tell her how I feel. So I've decided that it's not too late to tell her I love you. When mom passed, I felt as if I hid my feelings from her for 21 years. In addition to the many other things I learned from God and her through her battle with cancer, she taught me how to wear my emotions on my sleeves. Profound is about the only way I can describe the changes that her passing has had on me.
The glimmer of hope I saw and felt during my grieving of mom came in the form of peace. Silent lucid moments were what I clung on to. Abundantly they were given by God. I often look back and see how far I have come and how much God has grown me using those saddest moments in life. What I once thought was unbearable pain turned into waking moments of how I should and will remember mom. And as we approach Mother's Day, I just can't be reminded enough of how it's never too late to say I Love You, Mom. I know she hears me, she hears me she does. For she never left me, my love forever floods...
For my Ma Ma,
~KH
I guess there are two things that are fresh on my mind now. First is that I wish every set of eyes that reads this will realize how wonderful mothers are. I mean you have all heard how we should never take our parents for granted and how you must absolutely respect them. On the other hand, I also realize that this isn't a perfect world. And the bitter truth is that not-so-good mothers exist, but I'm not going to delve too much into why they aren't so good - too many variables for me to explore. And plus, it would just ruin the general tone of what I'm trying to communicate.
Secondly, amid all the pondering and regrets over the years, I never could grasp a clear understanding of the three words, "I Love You." It wasn't used all that often in my family when I was growing up, but never did I ever feel unloved. I wondered why I never told my mom or dad that. Every time I talk to mom now, I'll always tell her that I miss her and love her. Just because she isn't here, it doesn't mean I can't tell her how I feel. So I've decided that it's not too late to tell her I love you. When mom passed, I felt as if I hid my feelings from her for 21 years. In addition to the many other things I learned from God and her through her battle with cancer, she taught me how to wear my emotions on my sleeves. Profound is about the only way I can describe the changes that her passing has had on me.
The glimmer of hope I saw and felt during my grieving of mom came in the form of peace. Silent lucid moments were what I clung on to. Abundantly they were given by God. I often look back and see how far I have come and how much God has grown me using those saddest moments in life. What I once thought was unbearable pain turned into waking moments of how I should and will remember mom. And as we approach Mother's Day, I just can't be reminded enough of how it's never too late to say I Love You, Mom. I know she hears me, she hears me she does. For she never left me, my love forever floods...
For my Ma Ma,
~KH
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