The One About Cars And Dresses...

It's 1:26 in the morning and I'm wide awake. I plopped myself down in front of the computer and felt like I needed to write something. Amanda hates it when I come to bed late...especially 3:00 AM on a work day, but I guess that part of me will never lay to rest completely. For the most part I'll oblige, however, those days when I lived with Howard, I'd be up all sorts of crazy hours writing or reading up on cars. Lately it's been searching for cheap cars on autotrader and craigslist. Hours upon hours have been logged because I have this grand plan of selling my current car; buying a cheaper daily driver; and banking the rest of the money into our savings.

What's the reason? Well...in my head there are a few:

1. The car I have now is really nice, but I only use it to go to work and back
2. The more money we have in savings, the longer Amanda can stay home when we have our first little Henry or Henrietta
3. And there's something to be said when you find that really great deal! The hunt is fun, and the rewards of your labor can be quite satisfying

The chances of this grand plan actually taking place are dwindling. I find myself more stressed and tired these days. It's been ongoing for about two months solid and nothing serious has really come along. Amanda has been super patient through all of this. At times, I flip-flopped my mind more than a ball on a ping-pong table. Oh well, if it pans out it pans out. I just thought it was worth pursuing. Only time will tell...

I'll end with a semi-quick thought. While Amanda and I were in Walmart this evening, we cut through the women's clothing area to get some snacks and drinks. I saw this cute dress that I thought would look good on Amanda. I pointed it out to her, but she already knew I would say that. She knows me better than I give her credit for a lot of times. Anyways, I quickly looked at the dress and realized there was no way she would wear it because it was a little bit too revealing. What do I know? I saw the color and pattern and thought it was cute. Guys are simple-minded when it comes to that kind of stuff. She then proceeded to say that when we have kids (especially a daughter), she'll have to go clothes shopping with them. She asked if I would let our daughter wear something like that. I joked and said, "definitely!" She probably rolled her eyes down to her feet. OK she didn't do that, but if she could to prove a point, I know she would have done it right there. This little exchange of banter prompted me to think about what kind of father I would be when the blessing of a little one comes into our lives.

You know, I'd like to think that I would be a pretty cool and hip dad. One that would make them laugh; one that would take them to skating parties (do people still do that?); one that would cook and make crafts with them; one that would take them clothes shopping (per Amanda's approval); one that would take them to get Fuzions frozen yogurt on a hot summer day; one that would see them graduate from high school and college; and one that would see them live a fulfilled life. All of those things are simple pleasures that make life more enjoyable and serve as potential memories. But the one true and honest thing that I dream and hope for is that when they're adults, they'll know that before they were even born, mommy and daddy yearned for them to know the Lord in such an intimate way that their lives would honor Him and radiate the beauty of His love. I see this beauty before me...right now...every time I look into my wife's eyes when we talk about having kids. The sanctity of life is beyond measurable. And as I close this impromptu entry, I am reminded of the life I have lived and how God yearned for me before I was born. Oh what a feeling!

~KH