The One With Widowed Love...

The cold weather is beginning its process of slowly fading away. Even though the cold and warmer temperatures have danced back and forth in the past couple weeks, we know the Dog Days of Summer are inevitably knocking on our doorsteps. The disappearing act is a sobering reminder of how good we have it here in Tallahassee. We fall short of having four seasons, but the latter two is still enjoyed immensely by yours truly. The trees that were once brown and bare are peeking through ever-so-slightly with hints of Spring. Pollen has arrived way early, but we've been fortunate to have rainstorms pass by to keep them from building layers upon layers on our windshields. And once again, it's a season of change that brings forth my thoughts on life.

It wasn't long ago when I found myself fumbling through an assortment of emotions. Confound with mystery was my simplistic mind and how it processed the very existence of what and how we're drawn to certain acts of kindness. Depending on your upbringing, one could suppose that the bare essentials of life plays to an auxiliary when it comes to taking care of others and putting them before yourself. There should be this incredibly fine line for when it comes to serving others or thyself. Instead, for me, this defined area is somewhat of a dull silhouette. Growing up, I always thought that I would spend more days in the self-serving role than perhaps making others' quality of life better. What a harsh and embarrassing reality that is to be faced with. Over the years (probably the last ten or so), this notion of taking a backseat to self-servitude has been lingering over my clumsy head. It's a vicious cycle that internalizes a burden of unrest. I know I have failed in outlandish ways - ways only a God of a million second chances could bear through. In the middle of all this diluted yucky muck was a subtle, yet poignant, sting of Christ. It writhed and churned its way into every little crevice of my heart. Leaving no room for any further expansion, His booming message left me in a state of shameful degradation. Don't let the euphemisms trick you up. There's a deep and underlying truth to be told here. My struggles as a human being are every bit as ugly as the next person. But I'm so glad there's a stronghold of redemption found in Jesus.

This process came in the form of Amanda this past year. My lovely wife so often reminds me that I'm more giving than she is. But how terribly untrue that is. This past Christmas, we were overwhelmed with all that was going on with just being married and everything else that came along with the hustle and bustle of the holiday season. We both decided to forego the process of sending out Christmas cards to our family and friends. Amanda, in her wise and sweet form, came up with a brilliant idea of sending out Chinese New Year's cards. This gave us a much-needed break to regroup and compile a list of names that we were wanting to send these cards to. My dad, in his generosity, went all around the suburbs of Los Angeles to find these beautiful cards for us. He had to visit different stores to buy their stock so that we could get the 80 or so cards we requested. We found out that these cards were anything but cheap, but in typical Chinese fashion, he would never reveal how much these things cost. When it comes down to it, it really wasn't about the price of the cards so much as to dad wanting to help us out from thousands of miles away. Well, he helped us out in a huge way and the reactions we got from people were overwhelming.

When we set out to do this, I had in my mind to send it out to family and friends. But Amanda felt it in her heart to suggest that we send it to the widows at First and Albany Christian Church. That's Amanda's love pouring out for God's very own. It's of an unending variety for people that we, as humans, wouldn't normally think of. I remember that night when we were talking about the list of names and she adamantly suggested that we send cards to the older and wiser folks of each respective church. I remember that moment so vividly because I felt like I swallowed this huge jawbreaker down my throat. Instead it was a this huge ball of saliva coated with compassion and humility. During that week of Chinese New Year's, people slowly started telling us that they had received their cards. I then realized the love of Christ in a new and real way. As a servant of Christ, we are often reminded that serving is what Jesus did so abundantly when He was here on Earth. But what slips through our close-mindedness sometimes are the people that are so easily overlooked. God's word clearly commands us to serve widows and orphans. Now there are plenty of other people that we can serve, but this time around for me, I was so glad to be reminded that the blessing of giving up one night in our lives meant so much to the people that received these cards...but what was paramount for me was that I'll never forget what serving Christ can truly do for a soul that was headed down one crooked road after another.

It's was very easy to get lost in how good it felt to bless others, but after some time of reflection, I learned that it's not so much about the list we comprised; the money we spent on stamps; evening we took to write the cards; or even praising Amanda for her brilliant and loving idea. For me it was a reality that pierced through the callused and cynical heart of mine. I was deeply moved by the Holy Spirit because when I became vulnerable to the comfort of routine, I was awakened to a newfound love of Christ I had never experienced in abundance before. It changed me. It made me love my wife even more because it was right then and there that God opened up another chapter in what it means to be in a marriage that's under His grace and provisions. In this young stage of marriage, I'm already convinced for a lifetime that it does change you (for the better). I never imagined I would grow as much as I have already. Hopefully, it won't be too much in the waistline in the coming years but in the mind and heart. There are so many moments in life where we can just stand there and say, "I get it now." I know I can't ever be reminded enough about how grand God's love is. It does not discriminate nor does it overlook. The process of leaving my old ways behind is harder still. I have been given a new glimpse of how Jesus loves. And may my eyes, in all its slantness, be opened for the next glimpse unveiled...

Because I rescued the poor who cried for help, and the fatherless who had none to assist him. The man who was dying blessed me; I made the widow's heart sing. I put on righteousness as my clothing; justice was my robe and my turban. I was eyes to the blind and feet to the lame. I was a father to the needy; I took up the case of the stranger. Job 29: 12-16

Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world. James 1:27

~KH