The One With Publix Jodi And Pop Secret...

Today was quite an interesting day. Not bad interesting but amusing and good interesting I think. I believe it all started as Crustin struck the first chord to mmm bop as the congregation was leaving the sanctuary. If you really need to be reminded of this ten-year-old tune, please feel free to download it off of Amazon or anywhere Lucifer is prowling. OK, it's not that bad, but playing Hanson's breakout hit was a pretty demented idea I admit. However, it's somewhat of a norm for me and Crustin I guess. Anyways, we had fun playing it, and nobody really knew what the song was until we approached the more-than-welcome end. Most people probably thought it was a new and cool rendition of El Shaddai or something (nothing against Amy Grant).

After departing the confines of First Christian, I had a scrumptious lunch with Howard and the Applings at Jimmy John's (JJ's). Charlie Brown (the Applings' glorious about-to-be three-year-old son) is growing up so rapidly. He's always so kind to let me know that the loud drums at church hurts his ears - how cute...which elder at church put him up to this? It's an absolute wonderment to hear this little boy's progression in speech - especially when he speaks in tongues to the immediate five feet area above his head. I must give kudos though, to Wanda and Punk Troy for buying the boy new shoes that do not light up (thank you Sketchers) and the nice haircut this little boy received. Well done my fellow brother and sister...well done. Following the merriment at JJ's, I was looking forward to some R&R at home. It was a bit brisk out, so I knew that dozing off wouldn't be a problem once I enraptured myself beneath the wool blanket on the couch. Alas, watching women's curling delayed my ritualistic Sunday catnap.

Progressing right along, I felt rejuvenated after my short repose, so I tackled what seemed like an insurmountable heap of Chinese homework. Whilst occupying myself scholastically in the field of academia, Howard was braving the chilly temps outside bundled up in his two-layered t-shirt and flannel attire amidst the fumes of Behr paint. The back deck needed some new paint; he had conquered the Star Wars video game he received for Christmas finally, so there was nothing left for him to do but paint the back deck in dreary weather. There he was, forlorn and determined on finishing the task - trying to beat the inevitable arrival of dusk. Ladies and gentlemen, I present you with Fixedfront Valley's "Man of the Month," Mr. Kurt "Howard" Bonhamer:

I suppose I should explain the title of this entry now. Well, in the entry back on 1/03/2006 (The One With Catsup And Cheese...), you will all recall a young lady by the name of Jodi, who checked me out at Publix - in a UPC/scanning bar code kind of way; not the gazing type. After finishing my homework, I had to get some stuff for dinner. We had purchased two loaves of JJ's "day-old bread" to make French Bread Pizza. We needed some more cheese and tomato sauce. So off to Publix I went. I don't think I've ever walked out of Publix or Wal-Mart with only the things I went in there to buy. Often times, I'll progress from overloading my hands with stuff, to the puny little basket they offer, and then ultimately the dreaded buggy with the one ghetto wheel that has a seizure upon movement. Like the previous time, I found myself buying cheese and a tomato product. But this time Catsup wasn't "Buy One, Get One Free;" popcorn was. I grabbed two boxes of the microwave variety, some Funyuns, and a bottle of Margarita Mix (check the footnote at the end for an explanation to the Margarita Mix). The "10 Items or Less" checkout lane was pretty empty, so I opted to view the tabloid magazines there. Everyone, let's welcome Jodi again...

Right before the customer in front of me left the lane, I verified that "Jodi" was indeed on the name tag. I wondered for a split-second if she had remembered the last comical episode. "Hello, how yer doin'," Jodi says. I responded, "I'm doin' well Jodi, how bout' yourself?" She gave me a quick glare as if I wasn't supposed to call her by name. Yeah, what's the deal with people wearing name tags in the service industry and giving you dirty looks when you call them by their name? I mean afterall, their names are clearly shown for identification purposes - is it that weird for people to call them by their names? I don't get it. Anyways, I digress. After the quick glare, she gave a friendly smirk - maybe she remembered Catsup? I doubt it. So as she's scanning the items, I was thinking that if she mentioned anything about last time that I would tell her that she made it into one of my entries (whoopdee dooo I know). Things came to a sudden halt when she informed me that the two boxes of microwave popcorn I grabbed were not the ones on special. She quickly told me this abbreviated story about how the Publix Microwave Popcorn looks very similar to the Pop Secret ones. Crestfallen I was. I told her to scrap those two and that I would come back to get them another time. The rest of the transaction went on without any hitches, but I left a bit laconically - even though Jodi explained that many before me had made the same mistake of grabbing the wrong popcorn, I still felt like a dork. And plus, I wanted my popcorn!!! We said our "good-byes" and off I went to the parking lot.

As I was loading the trunk, I had remembered that I needed some orange juice for the upcoming work week. I thought to myself, "I could get some Publix Premium OJ 'Loaded With Pulp' and redeem myself by getting the right kind of popcorn." I trotted back into Publix making sure Jodi didn't see me; grabbed the items, and worked my way back up to the checkout lanes. This time though, the ingress and egress of Jodi's lane seemed a bit more important. I needed to show that being duped by Publix's wannabe Pop Secret packaging wasn't cool. Here's the conversing memoir of the second encounter:

Loser/Dork: Hey Jodi, I think I got the right kind this time.

Jodi: Hey!!! Those are the right ones.

Loser/Dork: Well, you sold me on it I guess.

Jodi: What can I say...I'm really good at what I do.

Loser/Dork: Wow, and you're modest, too.

Jodi: Publix wouldn't want cashiers that are not good at what they do, so I figure I might as well be confident.

Loser/Dork: Oh right. OK, well next time I'll keep that in mind when I come here to shop. I'll only come checkout at your lane since you're the confident one.

Jodi: Well, I got a new job so I'll only be working here two days a week from now on.

She wished me a nice evening - I did the same in return - and I was finally on my way back home to see Fixedfront Valley's "Man of the Month." The pizza turned out wonderful; the fellowship was great; and we watched "Just Like Heaven." What a cute movie this was. Both of us boys enjoyed it thoroughly. We were supposed to watch "Schindler's List," but with my fiasco at Publix and cooking, watching a three-hour movie would've been a bit too much to fit into one evening. We're on this "powerful movie" streak - we watched "Philadelphia" for the first time the other night so we were in the mood for something profound and deep. Oh well, it wasn't meant to be. It was a great day nevertheless. We'll get to see the movie today since we're off from work for President's Day. I still have Chinese class though - BOO!!!

~KH

Publix: Where Shopping is a Story for your Blogging Pleasure

*So according to Publix, I purchased "Light Butter Porn" the first time I checked out. Ummm...no thanks?

*The NON-ALCOHOLIC Margarita Mix is an interim substitute for fresh limes in my cranberry juice since they're so grotesquely expensive right now.