The One Where Dreams Come True...

It was spring semester of my sophomore year at FSU – circa 1997.  I was in the thick of my college experience; loathing group projects and exams; dreaming of what my life would be like if and when I graduated.  All important things at the time, but not-so-important in the grand scheme of life.  One thing that got me through the rigors of college was music on CDs.  But let’s be transparently honest here, there were some cassette tape action interspersed in between all of that CD listening.  I remember one summer in particular - jogging in the evenings, and often thinking about how incredibly cool I was.  Cool probably isn't the best term to use here because the oppressive heat and humidity that beholds Tallahassee is quite fierce and allows nothing to be "cool."  Maybe what's more apropos is "hot stuff."  Yeah...because by the time I finished tying my shoes outside, I was sweating already, but what set me apart was that I had a Walkman with a mix tape in tow – oh how the finer things in life have escaped through the cracks of aging. 

Back to the music...more specifically, “New Age” music.  I’m not referring to weirdo New Age religion; Wikipedia aptly describes “New Age” music as “a genre of music intended to create artistic inspiration, relaxation, and optimism.”  So the artistic inspiration part…yea, not so much.  The relaxation and optimism aspects of it were the more sought after qualities.  I’d listen to this stuff, especially Jim Brickman (America’s Romantic Piano Sensation), for what seemed like hours upon hours in hopes of doing better on my exams and class assignments.  But these well-intentioned studying habits would often devolve into me daydreaming about an eventual idyllic life of being married to an incredible and loving wife; and then eventually growing our family by having super cute and bright kids.  So here we are…about 20 years later, I still listen to this music, now albeit at work on most days, and on occasion, with Meilyn in the car with me trying to convince her that this type of music is beautiful and that she should appreciate it because after all, this is “America’s Romantic Piano Sensation” tickling the ivories.   

   

When Jim Brickman released his third album, “Picture This,” I rushed to Spec’s music to purchase a copy of the CD.  One song from the album was titled, “First Steps.”  I was enamored!  To the point where I thought I was going to make a killer family video one day with that song as a backdrop to reminisce about our awesome son or daughter.  Well…the overzealous idea birthed from the 20-year-old version of me is finally coming to fruition 20 years later.   

In 1997, I had illusions of me being this great guy – deserving of girlfriend and wanting to settle down after college.  The next 10 years proceeded to be a long sobering reminder of how imperfect I was and how much I was in need of a Savior who would turn my spiritual infancy, quick temper, and OCD ladened tendencies into redemptive qualities that would someday compliment someone else's walk with Christ (cue Amanda's entrance into my not-as-awesome-as-I-thought life).  So since then, life has been clearer and more purposeful with her by my side.  She has shown me aspects of Christ through her kindness, gentleness, calmness, and loving nature.  I’m forever grateful that she has invested the last two plus years of her life raising our baby girl into a thriving and healthy 2-year-old.  Our daughter is everything I dreamed my first child would be like and more.  Amanda, through her words and actions, reminds me every day to strive to be more like Christ, and to love our daughter more gently, patiently, and graciously.

There are many days interspersed throughout year, not just days leading up to Mother's Day, where I wish my mother was still alive to see our baby girl grow.  I would want her to tell me stories about how I was when I was Meilyn's age.  I would also want to hear her opinions and advice on how I could be a better husband and daddy.  I think about how she would interact with Meilyn; how they would make each other laugh; how they would learn and speak Chinese together; go clothes shopping; cook Chinese food; but above all, learn how to be a kind, sweet, and loving person.  All of my years growing up, I saw how she sacrificially gave of herself for my dad, brother, and me.  I see that sacrifice in how Meilyn and I are loved by Amanda.  All those years of wondering and hoping for a wife and family were just the "First Steps" of my dreams coming true.  

Happy Mother's Day to you, AmandaLyn.

~KH