It’s hard to believe that another year has passed me by. There have been numerous ups and downs like all of the preceding years. I have become reacquainted with my native language the past three and a half months (BTW – I did wind up getting an A in the class. I’m Summa Cum Laude for the first time in my life – OK, so it’s not genuine, but it’s fun to think that I’m in company of Doogie Howser) and it has proven to be a fun learning experience, despite the homework and culture shock of being a stranger in a strange land on campus; my racquetball skills continue to improve according Bruce; I have lost weight after years and years of futile attempts, but unfortunately a few pounds came rushing back during my recent trip to California (stinkin’ authentic Chinese food!!!); God pulled me out of my shell so that I may be blessed by some newfound friendships – and in the midst of that, some stretching and growth occurred; and lastly, my health is still good and I feel more loved by the people in my life than ever before.
I’m afraid if I begin on the not-so-good moments this year that this entry will turn into some pity party, so I’ll refrain. One thing that I would like to touch on is this current state of complacency. I feel that it’s somewhat detrimental to my spiritual growth. I still don’t know how to break out of this viscous cycle of being on fire for God and then it dwindle down to a mere spark. The truth is that I’m not the ONLY one in this world in this quagmire. It’s probably quite common. Is it wrong for me to be vocal about it? To be so blatantly honest about the fact that I’m a child under His grace and mercy struggling to stay afloat of the high standards set by God? Actually, I once heard it’s better to struggle in our spiritual walk with Christ than not. I suppose it’s because the motives represent our imperfect nature amidst our honest pursuit of Him. It’s better than just shying away from truth and being in a dormant state I suppose. In another week, a new year will come knockin’ on my dilapidated door, and I feel as if I’m not entirely ready to face the new challenges already set before me. It’s almost as if I’m preparing myself to become crestfallen. But wait…
“’Fear not!’ said he for mighty dread, had seized their troubled minds. Glad tidings of great joy I bring, to you and all mankind.” (AP, you rock hard!!!)
Tomorrow, I will celebrate the birth of Jesus. I am so relieved that I received His gift ten years ago. Each year the sadness and loneliness I feel during this time of year is overturned in a thunderous way because I know I’ll be OK. So tomorrow morning as I awake from my deep and abbreviated slumber, I will feel at peace with knowing that all I need in life is God – and how His blessings will fill my heart’s content. Then Murphy will get a huge hug – and then perhaps we’ll watch a movie together. I’ll tell Mom, Dad, and Tony how much I miss them and all will be well. Thank you Lord Jesus for loving me in ways that a human can never do; for keeping me warm when my heart wants to be cold and sheltered; and for seeing past my shortcomings into the depth and core of my heart. I will give you all my worship till the end of my days…
She will give birth to a son, and you are to name Him Jesus, because He will save His people from their sins. (Matthew 1:21)
~KH
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