The One Where I Begin Again...

This vicious cycle is killing me inside. A departure from the norm is perhaps a somewhat accurate description of this fallacious rhapsodic state. Desires seem to continually bombard this weakened and fragile soul; any genuine attempts to correct this state wind up being futile and are quelled by the harshness of this world. A struggle of cataclysmic proportions ensues as I pursue my Maker. There always seems to be this one thing that eludes me; an emotion of some sort or maybe a deeper understanding of human emotions. I convince myself of this seemingly widespread enigma in my life and then only to be left alone, vulnerable, unsheltered, and cold.

Every change of season is a reflection of growth in my spiritual walk. But for some reason, Fall brings a certain sense of longing. The foliage holds me captive as an illumination of vivid colors fill this void beyond my comprehension. A sublime ambiance is nestled in this little corner of this world that I call my "Patch of Comfort." Gentle sighs and warm smiles are shared with God and a distant silhouetted beauty. The dreary, overcast, and cold days circles in my head. Her silhouette now beside me on a couch that wraps our souls under His grace. As the intermittent crackling of the firewood resonates, a fleece blanket pulsates warmth and coziness beneath its cover. Hours slip away into the misty darkness of shorten days, but this simplistic perfection is such a beautiful thing.

In the background to all of this mind-wandering fun are memories of family life during the holiday season. An infamous nomad of sorts I feel sometimes. From household to household I travel it seems every year - never quite settling in one place to protect any sense of security that may be taken away from me. I resort to seclusion so that I may draw upon the times I did share with mom, dad, and my brother. It's kind of sad really, but it always works out fine. I'll save those thoughts for perhaps a future entry.

The morning sun is only a few hours away from greeting me. Her silhouette is slowly fading now; but she will remain prominent in my heart and will come rushing back again very soon. Grow me as I slumber; guide me in Your truth; and may all of my shortcomings be Yours to transform. Lord, I await your smile...

~KH